I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
