I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just google imaged poop.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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