Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
