How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize