are you still at the devil's house?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
