WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
