I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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