I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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