I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
