New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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