Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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