If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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