My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
