We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
