Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
