Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We left the knife in your bed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
