dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
