I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dicks are not precious.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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