My brain says no but my pants say off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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