I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
