so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
