considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
