Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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