I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
