I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
