I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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