How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
