I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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