My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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