im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
