i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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