she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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