So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
