gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
