i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
