Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
