yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
