You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
