u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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