i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
