woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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