i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
