ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
