Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
