If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
