I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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