This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
