I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
