I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize