Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
