also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
