i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize