My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
