I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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