Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im holly from the hills drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize