I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize