I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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