tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
