Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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