Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
