Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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