It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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