don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
