id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
