youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
