I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
