Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
