No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
