After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
