what day is it and did you see me today?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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